It's probably common to look at another's, a loved one's terrible suffering and think that complaining about something of "yours", feeling anxious, or fearing your own situation, whatever it may be is weakness. We shouldn't do it. Why not? Is it because to do so diminishes our acknowledgment of our beloved's pain? Will it make him think, "What are you complaining about?"
I was at the dentist the other day undergoing an especially irksome crown replacement. It ended with the crown damaged and me having to schedule the same procedure next week. I was grumbling when I came out and then had "the" thought. How can I complain about something so petty to Mark? But how could I not? It was a legitimate irriation. We've been married 33 years and why would I suddenly stop sharing my own troubles? That would mean that he couldn't help, advise, and listen. It would be yet another way that he is cut off from the "normal" world.
Maybe what we should do, insead of keeping our irritations inside (and maybe building resentment) is to go ahead and complain, then look at him and be inspired by him to handle it.