I hate changing the bed but I do like the feel of clean sheets. Mark usually did that odious chore for us, even up until the end. Now that I do it, I wonder how he managed it. It was always perfect, crisp, with tight corners. He complained about my cute eyelet bed skirt but didn't insist that I get rid of it. It must have been a terrible effort for him at the end with his sore joints and painful, chemo damaged hands. A Tempurpedic mattress is heavy and that bed skirt gets hiked up under the sheets and blankets unless one is very careful. I may get rid of that thing myself!
This morning I stripped off the old sheet set. As I pulled "his" pillow out of the sham and tugged off the pillow cover, I thought why am I doing this? I can keep that pillow in the sham, in the slip as long as I like. No one has laid his head on that pillow for over 12 weeks now. It's not dirty, not even close. But I did it anyway. The outgoing sheets are blue; the incoming silver. It would be wrong to have unmatched pillow slips even though nobody but me would know.
It feels wrong in the same way that it feels wrong for me to be alone, unmatched, the only one in that bed.